If you know how much I've crammed into my head, and how little I've been out and about since the snow started a-fallin', you should have been able to see this coming a mile away.
I'm freakin' sick of it.
With the JLPT I had a clear deadline, and a pass/fail designation to look forward to. These days, the goals are multifarious, and all too often, out of my hands. I'm not just studying japanese anymore. I'm studying japanese and law and philosophy and permutations of the three. So there are three to five open books at any given time: two to four more than there ever were in college.
As much as I wanna just cash it in for a while and get about some misbehaving, I'm going to suck it up, and stay at this for a while longer.
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3 comments:
Thinking of england, in the sense that I know that my current work will benefit something bigger than my "self"... except that that thing I hope to improve is my "self".
In this extreme asceticism, I'm probably directing myself farther away from the satisfied, comfortable and secure person I want to be. Internalizing the external economic struggle and all that jazz is no good for something as soft and squishy as a soul.
I analyze myself in the comments section, stay tuned.
The being sick of it is actually sort of the consequence of a couple of minor things I documented here on the blog: going back to big daikon, and reading the endless litany of (likely fictional) sexual exploits of the rabble there, and good ol' martin webb.
If people less charming than me (the daikonians) are going out and having fun, and getting ass, and if people who only look roughly as good as I do on a good day (martin) are freaking tokyo fashionites and ladykillers, what the hell am I up to? Why am I publishing thousands of words on an utterly arbitrary application of adorno to pop culture, when I've got money in the bank, and time on my hands?
in which I continue talking to myself.
england be damned. I'm gonna play some video games or something. I'll take my law books dead seriously when they get here (via a brokered half.com deal), but for now, I'll get by on a little bit of japanese study everyday.
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