I've been locked in my room all day studying kanji, and working on test-taking strategy and all of those terribly un-fun things (though I secretly enjoy them). It strikes me... I used to know some people who seemed to live like this every day. The Chinese students in the dorms in germany. The only difference is that I don't interrupt my study breaks by frying up huge pans of chicken hearts and sweet pickles in the communal kitchen (true story).
I'm sort of proud of myself for being able to buckle down like this, and doggedly work on a single facet of self-improvement. I'm glad to know that I can still function like I'm "hungry" instead of the sated, ironic, lazy american that I have been since I entered junior high.
Oh, I'm still sated, ironic, lazy and american, and I probably always will be, but in the past, I've been too bored with the world to lift a finger. I feel like everything I've failed to acheive, and the list in not short, I've failed out of boredom. Not even something so noble as laziness. I had the time and the energy to learn C++ and write my thesis on Adorno and learn to play guitar, but I had stupid things I would rather be doing. Most of the time it was video games, or mindless internet. If I go back to the states next year, and fall into another shitty job I can't stand, I will have reaped what I spent a decade or so sowing. If not, maybe I'll start eating chicken hearts.
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